- Waking up
is hard to do
- Until a few
months ago, I used a little wallet-sized alarm clock that politely bleeped for
about ten seconds on and after the exact time you would set it for before
stopping. This worked for me and I always woke up with the third beep. After
the battery ran out I began using one that my mother had given me which wails
like a police siren in hysterics for ten minutes before the time you set it
for and for another ten minutes after that. This is an alarm clock that I can
hear from the kitchen when I am cooking and have the extractor fan at full
blast, and my niece and nephew are standing next to me screaming and both the
kitchen door and my bedroom door are shut. But when I am asleep, on occasion,
the whole twenty minutes of noise loud enough to wake the dead in this and
every other Mediterranean country (and give them all hearing problems) sound
to me like a distant car backing up in my dreams and I sleep right through the
What I really
need is a watch with an electric buzzer that delivers a tremendous shock to
its lethargic wearer or a clock equipped with a mallet that can hit me over
the head if I sleep through the ringing for more than a few minutes.
No, Iím joking.
It neednít hit me with a mallet. Whacking me in the face with a heavy stuffed
pillow would probably do.
But the truth is
that waking up to the sound of an alarm drilling through oneís ear is a very
unpleasant experience. This is why some people prefer to use a clock radio and
wake up to their favourite station. When I was a student in the UK I had mine
set to Classic FM (which, as you probably do not need me to explain, is a
classical music station; but, there, I have explained it anyway). It would be
quite pleasant to wake up to Delibesí Flower Duet or Pachelbelís Canon. But
the sound of Wagner at full blast first thing in the morning is something I
can do without, and after the Ride of the Valkyries nearly gave me a heart
attack, I started using an old-fashioned alarm clock.
The truth is that
I am a night person, more comfortable working when everybody else is tucked in
and sound asleep than at any time in the morning. There are people who are
happy to wake up at six in the morning, have a quick coffee, get in their car
and be at work by seven. I am more happy waking up at nine-thirty or
thereabouts, reading a little in bed, then taking my shower, before going
downstairs to sip my cup of tea or coffee ever so slowly along with some toast
and the company of a daily newspaper, preferably while basking in the summer
sun. At around eleven I am happy to finally get around to doing some work.
world doesnít work this way and this is why I need to have an alarm clock at
the side of my bed. And until I can find a woman to marry who will wake me up
with soft kisses, I will have to keep on using and hating my alarm clock.
Perhaps one day I
will find her. Maybe she will wake me up with a gentle massage while talking
dirty to me. I am a heavy sleeper; she will probably have to shout.
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