- Oh what a tangled web we
- According to an annual
survey carried out by the government Statistical Service, 46 percent of
Cypriot households have a computer. We have two at our house, although one is
a rusty old 486 I haven’t got the heart to throw away which is collecting dust
in the basement. According to the same survey 31% of Cypriots use the
- Personally, I am not just
connected to the net; I am hooked on it. The internet is a vast clutter of
(often unreliable) information. You can find an answer to every question. Nine
times out of ten, it will be incorrect, but that’s part of the fun, isn’t it?
- And of course, every
major company has a site on the World Wide Web. And not only that- the US Lawn
Mower Racing Association has its own website, as does the World Beard
Championship (the next tournament is in 2007, so there’s still time to
prepare). The Flat Earth Society had a site until its homepage noted
“Unfortunately the website has fallen off the edge of the earth along with its
maintainer”. An older version of the site purported that “The existence of
Idaho is a lie, fabricated by a conspiracy of cartographers, as is England”.
- Most of the web is made up
of random musings by people who have too much time on their hands, and nothing
better to do than measure the length of stretched noodles, post a hundred
photographs of their swizzle stick collection or translate Shakespeare into
Klingon. Google has welcomed this by launching a Klingon-language version of
its famous search engine- Daqmey pat anyone? And no, I’m not making any of
- There is something for
everyone, whatever it is that turns you on. There is some truly bizarre stuff
out there too. You can buy shirts made out of 100% real cow manure or visit a
website advertising videos of women passing wind for example. I suppose there
are people out there who are willing to spend $120 on a video featuring
flatulent women, but I do not want to meet those people. You can also find
stuff that is far more unpleasant than that on websites that not even a
valiant and daring columnist in the search of truth is valiant and daring
enough to venture into (what do you mean, “who’s that then”?). At least not
before a couple of stiff drinks.
- However, I’m willing to
organise a competition to find the worst website out there. The judge’s panel,
consisting of me and whoever else is bored or stupid enough to join me, will
choose the best website by awarding points for:
of unpleasantness (from one to five)
of photographs (in hundreds) of kittens or of swizzle sticks, traffic cones or
other eccentric collectibles.
of words in Klingon (in thousands) or any another non-existent language. Half
points only for Latin and Esperanto.
of claims by the webmaster that his site is the best on the net, or that his
wife is the most beautiful in the world.
of hairs I pull out in despair while viewing the site.
- Send in your entries for
the worst website ever, along with your entry fee of fifty pounds. I will
announce the winning entry in private in my living room next week after
coffee. All proceeds will go to me.
- And if you’re crazy enough
to enter my little contest, I know a couple of websites you might enjoy.
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