My political statement

 

It is with a heavy heart and only after much deliberation that I must regretfully announce that I will not be standing as a Member of Parliament in the upcoming elections. I realise that this may come as a disappointment to many, but I have decided that I cannot afford the time to attend more than one wedding, funeral or grand opening a week. However, I have been pleased to note the growing popularity of my own platform. I once used to say that all parties are fun unless they are political parties, but there is so much more than just politics to the Movement for Unity, Solidarity, Harmony and International Peace and Stuff (MUSHIPeaS). We also eat and get drunk together.   

 

My decision has been taken despite the fact that several (at least two) people have encouraged me to stand for election. I would like to thank them for believing in me, particularly the person who told me “If you think you know so much, why don’t you stand for election?” but also the friend who suggested that I would be no worse than the current lot.

 

However, this is not the end of the MUSHIPeaS. I can assure you that I and all the other four members of the party will continue working hard to ensure that the MUSHIPeaS will grow from strength to strength. The party has brought key issues to the forefront of the debate. We have advocated, campaigned and shouted about:

 

 

 

 

 

 

As you can see from our opinions, the MUSHIPeaS is not a one-issue party. And we will not go away just because some people might want us to, or because nobody will vote for us. We intend to change this country, for better or for worse, and I hereby announce my intention to stand in the Presidential elections, whenever they are, and to keep on standing until I am elected or until I die or both.

 

To find out how you can actively help our cause and contribute to the MUSHIPeaS, you may contact me at my usual address. Gift vouchers are also acceptable.

 

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