Making beautiful music with your food

 

There is a restaurant that has opened recently in my town that I have not been to but plan to visit, and whose menu I have seen. The food does sound delicious, for the most part, but in some cases it also sounds very intriguing.

 

For example, what is “a melody of roasted vegetables”?

 

Personally, I am not sure- I thought that only rice crispies and bubble and squeak make any kind of noise, but these vegetables make beautiful music together. For the musically inclined, there is also “a symphony of grilled meat fillets”.

 

They also offer “a dialogue of pork medallions”. This is interesting- food that holds conversations. There are people who cannot do this particularly well, but here we have some pork medallions that would make the UN Secretary-General proud.

 

It costs £16 to witness this kind of dialogue. When I told a friend of mine about this, he said: “For that kind of money, I can talk to myself.”

 

There are many other restaurants with pretentious menus. There are several that offer meat that is “succulent”, “tender” and “grilled to perfection” and dozens that use “a la” as a prefix before the name of the restaurant or the chef, even if the chef’s name sounds as French as a doner kebab.

 

Another thing I‘m not too fond of is seeing designer plates that look better than the food (they may very well taste better too), especially when these plates are half empty. I am not paying to look at pretty dishes and sample morsels of food. I am not paying to listen to my food sing to me or to discuss the Cyprus problem with my lamb-chops. I am paying so I can leave the table stuffed, happy and with some money still left in my credit card account.

 

This is why some of the best places to eat are taverns. Pick nearly any tavern that’s popular with locals and you can eat well for  not much over a tenner, choosing from a menu that doesn’t make a whole song and dance about each item (this song and dance would be accompanied, no doubt, by a melody of vegetables)

 

That said, one day I will go to that other place and order the symphony of meats. I’m curious to see if it does make music. If it doesn’t, I’m asking for my money back.

 

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